we have pet lesbian snakes
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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