chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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