having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
