I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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