are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
