i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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