Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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