saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
