Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
