Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
