Apparently you make a good broom.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
