I skipped work to stalk him.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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