i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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