Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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