I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
