Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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