I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
