After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
