I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
