my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
