You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
