I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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