I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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