Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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