Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
