Say something about gay babies.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
