I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
