his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
