I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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