you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
