FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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