I have demons in me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
