is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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