And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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