omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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