Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
