I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
