i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
