ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
