just come out here and I will go home with you...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
