people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
