I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
