I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
