Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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