we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
