I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
