last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
