Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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