At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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