you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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