is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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