If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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