the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
