I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
