***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
