Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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