Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
