An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
